Understanding Parental Alienation Trials
I love pictures of the oceans, movies containing oceans, and going to the beach, watching the ocean with the waves rolling at different intervals, crashing onto the sand on the beach. They are unexpected. The size of the waves, the timing, etc. It’s like the trials of life. You know they are coming, it’s just a matter of when and how big. Looking at the expanse of the ocean lets us know that (a) God is in control, (b) the ocean of life is bigger than what our limited vision can see on the surface. God sees much more height, depth, value, and so much more than we could ever comprehend.
“Consider it great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance” - James 1:2-3
Many people have wondered why they are experiencing trials and how they can quickly get out of them. God had reasons for allowing Job to be buffeted as he was. It was not because He is a mean God. Job learned many important things during these trials. He thought he lost a lot, but in time, he gained a whole lot more than he ever could envision.
Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but you will someday”. - John 13:7
Our ways are not His, but we know that God loves us and cares for us, wanting good to come from the trials we face. This includes even parental alienation. It provides time for the alienated parent and child to work on their spiritual walk and sanctification process. We can also work on ourselves in self-care and becoming a stronger parent to help our child navigate the waters of confusion as we point them to their healing journey in Christ when that time comes.
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” - Romans 8:28
Parental alienation can be very confusing on many levels. Ultimately, we can be frustrated that God is not intervening, but God’s ways are not our ways, and we can’t focus on our limited vision; that’s not faith.
“We walk by faith, not by sight” - 2 Corinthians 5:7
Either we trust God or we don’t. We can’t partially trust Him. You cannot have two drivers in the front seat.
The pain from parental alienation is heart-wrenching for both parent and child. It leaves us confused and brain-fogged. It is and feels isolating without our consent. Very few people know what this feels like, and it can leave us feeling a lack of support and alone in this trial. When we feel that people are not there for us, it is a time when we can embrace the One who always is there for us.
“You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you”. - Psalm 9:10
“I will never leave you: I will never abandon you” - Hebrews 13:5
If we don’t experience bad, then we can’t truly appreciate and understand the good in our lives. Even Adam and Eve had everything good handed to them, but they had to experience the adverse reactions of sin to see sin for what it was: bad. It affected more than just the person who committed it. But…when they got honest with God, He provided a covering for them as the first protovangel ( the first redemptive relationship).
This time of trial can change us or someone around us—perhaps even the parent who is the one alienating. God’s love for all mankind is that everyone be saved, even those who commit alienation. That’s where the power of forgiveness can help us, our alienated child, and be a witness for others who don't know God and are looking at how we are handling this trial.
We can be assured that even though we are not in control, we have a relationship with the One in control. He has a purpose for our pain, a reason for our trial, and a reward somewhere along the line of this life or the next.
“God will give you back all the years you lost”. - Joel 2:25
“Anyone who wants to know the truth ends up at Jesus”.- Johnny Cash